Discussion on a Range of Topics

July 24, 2010

in the generous life

Here’s an interesting tip that I received from a generous wife (thanks, Rebecca!).

A while back I realized that I didn’t know my husband as well as I wanted to. I didn’t know what my most important jobs were to him, what really made him feel special, what made him feel uncomfortable, etc. So I decided to pick his brain. I typed up on separate lines things that I thought were important that I do on a range of topics. Here are some examples:

Keeping clutter down
Speaking well of you in front of others
Being on time
Greeting you when you come home
Asking for advice
Discussing spiritual things
Having breakfast with you before you go to work
Scheduling time out of the house so you can have some solitude
[and] some intimate topics [as well]

On and on, I think I had between 50-75 things. I printed the papers and cut them into strips.

Last night we went through them all. Categorized them into similar topics, and then it started. He explained his feelings on each item, and to my amazement I saw how little I knew my husband. He put things in categories like “important, please continue – or please improve”, “makes me uncomfortable”, “really nice, but not necessary”, “non-issues, it doesn’t make a difference” etc. Now I know where to put my energy and effort.

Things that I thought he would enjoy – like public verbal praise, really made him feel uncomfortable. Me greeting him at the door made him feel attacked sometimes, and guilty that I was dropping everything for him. Me spending time with him at breakfast was difficult because he’s in “get ready for work” mode and not “lets sit and talk at breakfast” mode. It was eye opening and I feel so much closer to him.

It gave him the opportunity to express frustrations he had because certain needs weren’t being met, and also allowed me to do the same. Now I understand more than ever my husband and see how incorrect I was in so many areas, and it only took about 2 hours. I can be a better wife, now – and he wants to be a better husband. Areas that I was afraid to ask about are now open topics.

I think it was the best thing I’ve ever done in my marriage.

An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest. Benjamin Franklin

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Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:
Simple Marriage: Are You Guilty of Making These Marriage Mistakes?
Gwen in Love: Good Intentions
Simple Mom: Back to Basics: Create a Home That Will Last Generations
The Marry Blogger: Batting 1000 & Flexing Your Marriage Muscles
The Romantic Vineyard Just click on the link and enjoy.

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Be generous! Lori <><

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Marie July 24, 2010 at 3:38 am

I’d be interested to have this ladie’s list of 50-75 things, if she still has it! Maybe it could be posted here?

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Debi Walter - The Romantic Vineyard July 24, 2010 at 5:10 am

Oh my goodness – I love what Rebecca has done. It is so good I believe as many wives as we can get to read this simple idea will be well served in their love and care for their husbands. We so often treat our husbands the way we think they want to be treated. Why are we surprised to discover they don’t think like us in these little ways, when we’ve learned they don’t think like us in the big ways? Excellent! I’m going to share this on our blog in the Wives Only section. Thank you, Lori, for sharing this with us!
.-= Debi Walter – The Romantic Vineyard´s last blog ..Freebie Friday- National Observances =-.

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Barb M. July 24, 2010 at 6:17 am

This is great!! I plan to do this as soon as possible. Man, what to put? You could almost include everything in life here; lol. This *might* have saved my previous marriage, yet, this marriage is the one worth saving, as my husband is a Christ-follower and loves to make me happy right back; he blesses my children as much as he blesses me. I thank the Lord for him!!
Thanks for this common-sense, but not-often-thought-of idea!!

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