Whose Job is it Anyway?

July 15, 2010

in the generous life

In a previous post I talked about it how we need to treat our husbands like adults and not see it as our job to correct them.  A generous wife had this comment to say and I think it is very important and needs to be factored in.

It IS our job to correct them. If we don’t, who will? Of course, we must do so in a loving, respectful, and private manner. We are each others iron, so sharpening him IS my job.

What I was speaking to in the original post is the wrongful attitude that “we know better how our spouses should be” and that it’s our job to change them (it really isn’t our job, they are not children to shape and mold).  However, we are responsible to those around us to speak the truth in love (to correct, encourage, etc.) and we can expect that our influence will effect change in their lives.

It’s an odd balance that is really about heart attitude.  It’s God’s job to change our husbands and they are adults that need to be treated with respect.  However, because we are in relationship with them, we can expect that God will use us to speak to our husbands and be a part of the process that brings about change in them.  If we take it upon ourselves to decide the direction of that change or constantly correct our husbands then we have overstepped our bounds.  If we speak the truth with kindness, trusting that God is able to change our husbands (as He doing with us), then we are likely to retain our sanity and give our husbands the respect they deserve (as well as respecting the work of the Holy Spirit as He matures us all).

As we grow as unique persons, we learn to respect the uniqueness of others.  Robert Schuller

Be generous!  Lori <><

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Happy Wifey July 15, 2010 at 3:40 am

” If we take it upon ourselves to decide the direction of that change or constantly correct our husbands then we have overstepped our bounds.”
I was going to disagree with you a bit till I saw this :0)
I think this is the point that gets missed in the times that give a bad taste in the mouth, and when this gets missed, you get a mess.

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Deborah Crouch July 15, 2010 at 4:15 am

I agree with the lady’s comment to some extent, but we also need to be sure that we are ready to graciously accept it when our husbands “sharpen” us, too.

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Ashley July 15, 2010 at 6:04 am

I agree that it is an odd balance sometimes when it comes to sharpening vs. nagging our husbands. I’ve recently been learning about this as I’ve been reading Elyse Fitzpatrick’s book titled Helper by Design: God’s Perfect Plan for Women in Marriage. She actually addresses this issue in a rather unexpected place. She challenges us to challenge our husbands as we submit to them! She points out that God gave us to our hubby as a helper and we can’t help them if we live in fear or try to dominate. God has called us to speak the truth in love to our husbands all for the glory of God!

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Gwen July 15, 2010 at 6:20 am

It’s true, it’s very much a balancing act. But I agree it should always be done with respect.
.-= Gwen´s last blog ..Sex &amp Money =-.

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Beth July 15, 2010 at 8:28 am

I read the e-mail this morning, but couldn’t get the reader’s comment out of my mind. I don’t wish to bring up a huge argument, but I can’t help but think that if it were indeed our “job” to correct our husbands, it would have been commanded us in the Bible. As far as I can tell, the only command given to wives is to “see that she reverence her husband”. The comment, “…if we don’t (correct them), who will?” makes me uncomfortable as well, and I propose a question. If no one corrects your husband, what will be the worst case scenario? He will go on thinking he was right. Is that so terribly awful? I think we as Christian women get sucked into the world’s philosophy on this one, if we are not careful. Your husband doesn’t need your correction. He needs your reverence.

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The Generous Wife July 15, 2010 at 9:04 am

I think the Bible makes it plain that as believers it is our job to correct others at times (IMO that would include husbands). Being in relationship also means that at times we might have to set up a healthy boundary (which often looks and feels like correction). Not speaking up can look like tacit approval/agreement and that can be a bad plan when it comes to more serious issues.

That said, I think we are often in too much of a hurry to correct others, when prayer and letting God work in their lives would do the job. When in doubt, I find it helpful to put myself in my husband’s shoes and ask myself how I would like to be treated if I needed that correction. It’s amazing how gentle your words become and sometimes you can even let it go realizing it’s not that significant an issue. Lori <

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Red July 15, 2010 at 11:52 am

I agree with your comment #6, Lori. My husband does not need another mother or another boss! But as his sister in Christ, in love, respect and gentleness, I may occasionally need to say something, if it is a serious issue. I don’t view it as my “job” to change him – the results are up to my husband and the Holy Spirit.

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Rebekah July 15, 2010 at 4:02 pm

Stormie Omartian covers this topic in her book The Power of a Praying Wife. One example she gives is Queen Esther who fasted before approaching her husband. Most times, if we are that intent on knowing whether God wants us to say something or not, He will show us. And I’ve found that 99% of the time, after I pray about it, I just give the issue to God and He works change in my hubby.

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Debi Walter - The Romantic Vineyard July 16, 2010 at 3:33 am

Carolyn Mahaney taught on this topic a few years ago and it completely opened my eyes to see this as part of “helping my husband”. What better way to help him than to honestly and humbly share with him concerns I have? This isn’t in an effort to change him – only God can do that. This isn’t an effort to manipulate him to be what I want him to be – that would be sin. It is simply encouraging him to grow in godliness. The message is available as an MP3 download for free here – http://www.sovereigngracestore.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=A2252-01-51
I highly recommend it!
.-= Debi Walter – The Romantic Vineyard´s last blog ..Love Hopes All Things =-.

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