Respect His Adulthood

July 6, 2010

in the generous life

Your husband is an adult.  He can think for himself, he can choose a course of action, etc.  He is an individual and he is not like anyone else, even you.  I say all this to let you off the hook for fixing him or changing him.  He is an adult.  He gets to be himself and choose for himself.  He gets to have ideas and beliefs of his own.

That said, there are going to be days when we will be tempted to try and change our husbands.  Maybe we’ll feel the need to explain his words or actions to our friends.  I encourage y’all not to go there.  Make room in your conversations for him to have opinions and ideas that are different than yours. Don’t expect him to like what you like or believe what you believe.  If folks take issue with him and try to get you to change him, suggest to folks that he’s a big boy and they need to talk with him.

As we grow as unique persons, we learn to respect the uniqueness of others.  Robert Schuller

Be generous!  Lori <><

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Heather July 6, 2010 at 4:52 am

This is a great tip, but I was convicted before I ever opened the email for an entirely different reason. When I read the subject line I thought the tip was going to be about not treating our husbands like children. Immediately several recent incidents came to mind where I was patronizing toward my husband…when he couldn’t find that one particular pair of socks that were plainly in the sock draw as soon as I looked (he just happened to over look them – it happens to me too) or telling others about the “cute” mix-up he had at the grocery store where he went to buy ingredients for a tuna salad recipe and ended up bringing home vanilla yogurt. I may find that endearing, but I realized that it is disrespectful for me to tell others a story at his expense.

So, thank you Lori for two tips in one. I’m going to start respecting my husbands adulthood in more ways than one!


covenantwmn July 7, 2010 at 8:39 am

I loved these, I needed the reminders. My problem is that in wanting to be a helpful wife it can quickly go from that to the problems mentioned. For example, I get my husband’s vitamins and meds for him every morning because he wouldn’t bother otherwise and I have noticed how that can become the catalyst for “taking care” of him thru the day, which at times he has resented because it makes him feel like i’m treating him like a child. So sometimes it’s a fine line, but so far, I just take a step back and that helps define helping from mothering. Thanks!!


Diane July 8, 2010 at 9:37 am

This past weekend I was able to watch my husband in his work enviroment. It made a big impact on me and raised my respect for him considerably. My husband is a patient care tech in the hospital. (This is the person that gives you all the hands-on help when you stay in hospital) So I can’t just pop in and spend a day watching him work. But my Dad, who is 82 with alzheimers, became dehydrated and was sent to hospital. In the wee hours of the morning I took my turn sitting with Dad. He became very confused at daybreak and was a big handful to handle. My husband got off work at 7a.m. and came straight down to Dad and I in another hospital 30 miles away. He walked in just as I gave out, so he IS my hero. For the next 10 hours he cared for my dad just as if he were working. With care, kindness, and thoughtfulness. It was marvelous to watch. My husband has A.D.D so I frequently see his “bad” side at home, it was a great boost for me to see him in work mode, he is well suited for his job. This incident gives me a fresh focus, something to draw from on the rougher days when he needs more patience and understanding from me. I should step back and see my husband as an individual whenever I can, it helps me remember who he is.


Glenda July 16, 2010 at 11:56 pm

Are we to respect his adulthood even when he is doing things that cause our marriage pain– ie he is gambling away the money so that bills can’t be paid.


The Generous Wife July 17, 2010 at 8:51 am

I think this falls in the category of respecting him enough to speak the truth to him in love. Not only that, if he continues in it, get help, involve others, etc. This is extremely destructive behavior and needs to be addressed, not covered up. Lori


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