The last couple of tips have been about truthfulness in marriage. It started with a link to a post on another blog and the author of that post made a very insightful comment on TGW blog that I want to pass on to the whole list.
I wrote the original article “The Whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth” on Happily Married After and thought perhaps I should add some balance to what was a really short post.
To answer some of the questions that came up let me add this about being truthful with your spouse.
When being truthful with your spouse understand that truth NEVER rides alone. It is always accompanied by love. “Speaking the truth in love…” If you have a habit of being nagging and negative to your spouse and the history of you being “truthful” is an automatic opening for drama, then you may need to evaluate the “how” and like Lori says, the “when”.
Understand that truth must be “processed” before it’s released. If you’re not careful you’ll deal in facts but not in truth. “Processed Honesty” is examined and evaluated before it’s released. It has context and perspective. It doesn’t just look at isolated things. You can do more damage to relationships by dealing in out of context facts than with in context truth. (For example: “You’re always” or “You never”) So what happens is that you deal in frustration and bring to your spouse what you consider to be a factual assessment but it’s really distorted.
I wrote about how to have these tough conversation here – Toolkit Communication
Besides, if you feel like you can’t be totally honest with your spouse I would question the intimacy in your marriage. Real intimacy allows that… even at the expense of a fight. Sometimes it takes the rough conversations to draw a marriage closer.
… that we …, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things unto Him who is the head – Christ – Ephesians 4:14-15 NKJV
Be generous! Lori <><