Put Down the Crisis, Pick Up the Passion

June 1, 2010

in the generous life

In response to the “what would you like me to write about” post, a gal asked me how to deal with her husband’s mid life crisis.

Some thoughts (in no particular order) …

I think all of us struggle with our sense of worth and value.  We start out with dreams and life has a way of squashing most of them.  In midlife, we look around and wonder what has happened (though I think this crisis can hit us at any time of life given the right conditions).  We wonder if we are a failure because some of our dreams died.  Maybe we just need to rethink our dreams.   If they died, maybe that was a good thing and there are better dreams to chase.

Let your husband know that you are on his team, that you believe in him and that he has great worth and value.  From time to time, I encourage the list to talk about goals and dreams with their husbands.  These keep us passionate and make all kinds of adventures possible.  Talking about what you both have done and what you could yet do, can help someone out of a slump.

If your husband is a reader, you might suggest Search for Significance.  I think it is vitally important that we know who we are in God and the value and worth He places in us.  It can free you from the fear of time running out for doing something that will give you worth, which in turn makes it easier to pick up a dream and run with passion (rather than fear).

Humor can be a sanity saver.  Share funny comic strips with your husband.  Rent a movie from the comedy section.  Do what it takes to inject some humor into your lives.

Look for and hang out with people who are upbeat.  We tend to absorb the emotions of those around us.  Exposing your husband to people who are happy and engaged in life will help him swing from crisis to creativity.

You might also do a little talking about “seasons” of life.  Some seasons are less glamorous than others, but they are extremely important and often foundational for other seasons of life.  Having a baby is a lot of work, you get little sleep, deal with smelly diapers, etc., but that season of care is hugely foundational for your children and opens doors for other family opportunities as kids age. Be sure to appreciate and validate the work of those seasons.

Also let him know that as seasons change, your needs as a couple will change and that you are right there with him in that.  Talk about your lives and try a few new things.  Let him know that if either of you don’t like something you can change it and that a little trial and error is to be expected.

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.  Reba McEntire

Be generous! Lori <><

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Bobbie June 1, 2010 at 4:41 am

Another great book is “Don’t Die In The Winter”….Your season is coming. Its by Dr. Millicent Thompson. Its about the changing seasons of our lives and the purpose they each hold for us. Great read when I am finding myself going through difficult seasons or feeling like I am out in the wilderness…always inspires me to hang on!


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