A few gals emailed me with questions and comments about last night's tip.  Some were afraid that speaking the truth would hurt their husband's feelings.  Others felt that their husband was not open to the truth and the truth would just cause a lot of friction (sort of a "it won't do any good and will only stir up bad feelings" kind of thing).  In response, I'd like to share a story.

In the Old Testament there was a woman named Abigail.  She was married to Nabal who was "harsh and evil in his doings."  I'm guessing he didn't listen to her much or treat her kindly.  At one point he treated David (the future King of Israel) very rudely and Abigail stepped in to fix this wrong (and saved everyone's life).  This is how she handled dealing with the truth about what she had done.

Now Abigail went to Nabal, and there he was, holding a feast in his house, like the feast of a king.  And Nabal's heart was merry within him, for he was very drunk; therefore she told him nothing, little or much, until morning light.  So it was, in the morning, when the wine had gone from Nabal, and his wife had told him these things ... 1 Samuel 25: 36-37a  NKJV

I think we can learn from her.  She was called a woman of "good understanding."  She spoke the truth (she could have lied and covered for the missing goods during the feast time).  She told him what she did and didn't "spin" the truth (she could have made a big deal about saving their family), though I'm going to guess that her words were respectful (because that's just the kind of gal she was - do read the whole story in 1 Samuel 25). She did consider the "when" of sharing.  Talking to her husband when he was drunk would have been a bad idea in general and would cloud his ability to hear her (another kind of dishonesty).  She waited until he was sober so that he could understand what she had done.

I often wonder how she felt as she began to speak.  She had to expect that he would fuss at her, perhaps even punish her.   She made the best choices she could and then spoke the truth.

I cannot answer the question for y'all of whether to speak or not.  I can caution, however, that the truth is best.  Hiding the truth is much like a lie and will generally jump up and bite you (and usually at the worst possible time).  It is far wiser and easier to deal with difficult truths when you are prepared by prayer and the wisdom of a graceful approach.  Regardless of the results you have been honest and your husband has was he needs to know to address problems (something he won't have if you don't share). (Disclaimer: if you are in an abusive marriage relationship, please seek safety first.  Address all problems from a place of safety where others are involved. The National Domestic Violence Hotline)

In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act. George Orwell

Be generous!  Lori <><

Another great post from The Generous Husband ... it's an integrity thing.

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A recent Happily Married After post entitled The Whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth caught my attention because of a situation I've run into recently where people are engaging in what I call spin. I define spin as selectively relaying facts to favour what you want people to hear and think, rather than what the 'truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth' would have them hear and think. This "art" has also been called "massaging the truth" or "putting the best face on the truth". It seems to me that the Bible calls these tactics something else – something rude and judgmental like LYING.

The Happily Married After post, by David Patrick, said: "It's real important to be completely honest with your spouse. You don't get to decide what or how much you think they can handle. That's not your decision to make. Let them decide once you've told the whole truth."

I agree completely with David, and I want to look at that in terms of spin. I doubt I am the only husband who has ever spun the facts to his bride. It's easy to tell ourselves that we are doing them a favour, that we are protecting them from the harsh reality. It's easy to think that, but it's usually not the truth. Odds are we are doing it to cover our errors, or to avoid her anger, sadness, frustration and so on. However, no matter why we do it, isn't it wrong? How can we justify lying to our bride?!

As David has suggested, if it's not the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the (unspun) truth, it's not the truth. So the question is this, do you have the guts to always tell you bride the truth?

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A half truth is a whole lie. Yiddish Proverb

Be generous!  Lori <><