Husbands and Porn

April 12, 2010

in the generous life

Julie Sibert of Intimacy in Marriage linked to a great article on her Facebook page.  The article, Reliance on God Leads to Healing from Porn, addresses the stresses of being married to someone with porn issues.  This is unfortunately a common problem, so I thought I would pass on this resource.  Please know that you are not alone and that there is help and encouragement.  My favorite book about this issue is False Intimacy and my favorite ministry is BeBroken.com.  If you know of any other good resources, please add a comment to this tip.  Let’s get the word out so that marriages can heal.

Another interesting article from the perspective of the husband is Personal Story: Pornography and Marriage (an interview of Stu Gray on LifeGems4Marriage).

Be generous!  Lori <><

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Nicole R. April 12, 2010 at 2:51 am

Another good one is http://www.marriagetoday.com. They have a short video on there about how to forgive your spouse after adultery and some good links to articles and books about when your spouse has a problem with porn. They send out a great newsletter each week etc and they do conferences on these subjects. An amazing book to read is called A Mind Set Free by Jimmy Evans. It’s short and to the point and VERY extremely helpful in the area of sexual addiction/pornography etc. Hope this helps! Blessings, Nicole

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Kathy April 12, 2010 at 3:39 am

The best resource I’ve found is http://www.pornnomore.com/, along with the book they recommend, _Clean of Heart_, by Rosemarie Scott. I’ve never seen anything like it. The article on unhappiness is especially insightful: http://www.pornnomore.com/PavlovandJoy.htm. They draw on the wisdom of centuries to inspire a person to grow into their God-given nobility and they give very practical guidance on how to get there.

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Kim April 12, 2010 at 5:03 am

Another great website for spouses of porn addicts is Partners for Purity. A great book is Hope after Betrayal by Meg Wilson. This is the one that helped me the most!

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Keli Martin April 12, 2010 at 5:09 am

A resource that helped me considerably was a book called Every Heart Restored written by Stephen Arterburn and Fred and Brenda Stoeker. And one that has helped my husband is XXXChurch. They have a great facebook page and my husband uses their accountability software on ALL of his computers.

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Kerri Tettleton April 12, 2010 at 5:25 am

http://www.purelifeministries.org/ is the best place I know to go for Christian counseling and a life change regarding sexual addictions and pornography. Out of the Depths of Sexual Sin By: Steve Gallagher, A Riveting Story of a Man who Courageously Battled His Way Out of the Deep Darkness of Sexual sin.

This group has a program you can do at home with assigned counselors that you speak with by phone each week, or a live-in programs at their beautiful campus in northern Kentucky. The entire program has blessed my brother-in-law who has struggled for over 25 years.

They not only deal with the porn, but other spiritual issues that are hindering your walk with the Lord. Emphasis is placed on dealing with all of the sins that are corrupting your life and allowing Satan to keep you in bondage to him.

More people have to speak out and get help for this very secret area of sin. Satan hates the light when he is exposed!

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Mara April 12, 2010 at 6:48 am

My husband found great freedom using the resource http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com! It can help with any addictive behavior (smoking, overeating, gambling…etc), but pornography had a hold on him and he was a changed man after going through their free online course.

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Kim April 12, 2010 at 2:28 pm

I will second Mara about Setting Captives Free. Great web site.

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Kelly April 12, 2010 at 5:55 pm

I would highly recommend Celebrate Recovery (program for people with hurts, habits and hang-ups). I attend and it’s really helped me get focused on MY responsibilities. There are also men that are attend for pornography, sexual addiction, etc. Celebrate Recovery is truly life changing, if you are willing to change.

http://Www.celebraterecovery.com

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Praise and Coffee April 13, 2010 at 1:21 am

Thanks for this! I do a weekly column on my blog called “Two shall become One ~ Tuesdays” and I’ll be sending them here this week!
Sue

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Jennifer April 13, 2010 at 11:56 am

I have been struggling with the effects of my husband’s betrayal for the past 8 months, but have been battling sexual sin for most of my life. In hopes to find sound, biblical advice, I have searched the internet and read several books on this subject. As you can imagine, there are just as many negative, man-bashing, divorce promoting advisers as there are encouraging, supportive, Godly advisers that focus on healing and marriage restoration.

Following are the resources I’ve found that I would HIGHLY recommend:

*HOPE AFTER BETRAYAL: Healing When Sexual Addiction Invades Your Marriage By Meg Wilson

*EVERY MAN’S BATTLE By Steve Arterburn and Fred Stoeker.

*EVERY HEART RESTORED By Steve Arterburn and Fred & Brenda Stoeker.

*EVERY YOUNG MAN’S BATTLE By Steve Arterburn and Fred Stoeker.

*EVERY YOUNG WOMAN’S BATTLE By Shannon Ethridge.

*PURE DESIRE By Ted Roberts

*PURE DESIRE: Betrayal and Beyond Workbook I By Diane Roberts

FamilyLife Today, March 8 2010, Bob Lepine’s thoughts as he introduces Meg Wilson
“I was thinking back to last fall when all of the news was reporting on the Swine Flu and the vaccinations that were coming out and the fact that people needed to be on the alert because of the spread of the Swine Flu. I was thinking, I am not sure how many people have to get sick with something before we say we have an epidemic going on. But the issue we are going to be talking about today is maybe the hidden spiritual epidemic; maybe it’s a pandemic as opposed to an epidemic. It is under the waterline in marriages and relationships all around the country, and it’s got to be addressed.”

The only vaccine to this epidimic is God! I am far from being healed, and my marriage is still in crumbles, but I have found peace, hope and unconditional love that can only come from my Heavenly Father.

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Deborah April 14, 2010 at 4:07 am

Thanks for addressing this. It is good to know we are not alone. And, that there is hope and healing. I have found a site to share with you all:

http://www.morethandesire.com/

I hope you find as much encouragement from it as I have.
.-= Deborah´s last blog ..Fresh Baked Cupcakes now in my Etsy shop! =-.

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Kristy April 14, 2010 at 1:48 pm

I would highly recommend a series of podcasts called “Candeo Podcast For Women – It’s Not Your Fault.” Available for free on iTunes (http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/candeo-podcast-for-women-its/id308361650), they are interviews on a range of topics like “Moving from Fear to Faith” and “Helping your Husband Recover from Porn Addiction.”

My husband began the Candeo (www.candeocan.com) program a little over a month ago and added me as a “support person,” and this program has been an incredible blessing for both of us. For whatever reason, none of the purely religious approaches he had tried before had a lasting impact. And although Candeo has a significant Christian component, it seems to be the “brain science” aspects that have really resonated with him, finally completing the picture and giving him the tools he needs to beat this thing once and for all.

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Sheila April 15, 2010 at 10:40 am

Holy Homes by Clay and Renee Crosse is another great site for help and information. Their book titled “I Surrender All” can be very helpful.

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Carolyn April 18, 2010 at 5:13 am

I add to the comment about this site. It was a tremedous healing for him and me too. The pain of learning your husband is trapped in pornography is huge. As a wife you feel all alone. Who I would normally turn to would be my husband. I did, but I needed someone else to take too. There is a support/mentor in a section just for spouses. God truly used it to heal my hurts and our marriage. Sweet ladies who are in pain over this. God loves you!

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Carolyn April 18, 2010 at 5:14 am

http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com (sorry it didn’t post it in the previous message)

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