My husband had a very nice tip last night that I want to pass on to y’all. Here it is with gender changes.
It seems to me that forgiveness sometimes takes a number of times to get all the way down inside. I’m not talking about the choice we make to forgive, but the feelings that so often don’t immediately follow that choice. Sometimes it seems like forgiving the same thing several times is needed, with each time moving me farther down the road to feeling what I think I should feel – or maybe more accurately not feeling what I know I should no longer feel. It just seems, sometimes, that it takes several times to dig down through the various layers and deal with all of the hurt, resentment, and so on.
The other side of this is feeling forgiven. I might be fully forgiven, really, totally, and yet not feel I am, or should be. This is probably because I have not forgiven myself for what I did; but whatever the reason, there [are] things I have asked my husband to forgive me for that I had to ask a number of times before I felt it was really dead and buried.
If any of this seems valid in your marriage, then I suggest you and your husband discuss it and decide if it’s okay to ask more than once for forgiveness, or offer forgiveness more than once.
Be generous! Lori <><