The Generous Wife

May 24, 2013

Closing the Gap

Filed under: to consider,to learn,to pray — The Generous Wife @ 1:30 am

My husband (The Generous Husband) recently challenged bloggers:

My challenge: Make it a point to celebrate the male sex drive anywhere you have influence. Stop allowing sex to be treated as shameful or evil. Proclaim that God gave men a strong sex drive for a reason, and that we must embrace that if we want to have healthy marriages, families, and communities.

My perspective is that men have an easier time of seeing their sexuality as an integral part of who they are. Women have a harder time of making that connection.

Men have an "outie". Their genitals are right out there where they can see them. They handle them to wash and urinate. At puberty they take on a life of their own and sex drive ramps up.

Women have many cultural messages about "good girls" and our genitals are harder to see and explore.

By the time we are adults and ready to marry, guys are light years ahead in understanding their sexuality. Women can easily see male sexuality as "too much" by comparison.

I think the important thing to emphasize is that male sexuality is not bad, just different. Each gender has something to bring to the bedroom that is important. We're meant to invite each other into our differences and have our sexual experience and understanding broadened because of that.

We need what our husbands bring to the bedroom and they need what we offer.

As a practical suggestion, I would encourage women to be intentional about exploring their sexuality. Read good books on sexuality, slow down in the bedroom, take more time, talk about sex with your husband, make a point of thinking about sex (remember how good it was last night), and pray about growing in your understanding and experience of sex.

God made us sexual beings and He meant for sex to be enjoyable for both husbands and wives. I believe He called it "very good."

Oh, lover and beloved, eat and drink! Yes, drink deeply of your love! Song of Songs 5:1b NLT

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Ferguson Values: How Long Does It Take to Become Proficient at Marriage? A quality marriage is based on time.

Holley Gerth: You’re Not Compared Start celebrating who you are and the God who made you that way.

Hot, Holy and Humorous: Are You in a Sexual Rut? Throw off the rut and get fresh with your spouse!

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May 23, 2013

Put It Away

Filed under: to consider,to learn — The Generous Wife @ 1:30 am

I've been going through my books and reducing the pile. I try to keep only those books I will read again or use as reference (plus my pile of "to read" books).

One of the books that I'm keeping is Cue Cards for Life by Christina Steinorth, MA MFT. The title says it all. The author shares a number of simple reminders - cue cards - that will help you develop healthier relationships. There are sections for marriage, parenting, your workplace and more.

One cue card that stood out to me today was:

Put your personal communication device away.

So simple, but, honestly, haven't you seen people spend more time texting or calling than engaging in conversation with the people right next to them?

Putting your phone away tells the other person that they have your full attention and that they matter to you. Not a bad message to send to your sweetie.

Choose to be phone free when you have an opportunity to spend time with your husband ~ at the dinner table, while watching a DVD, or when you're taking a walk in the neighborhood.

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Calm Healthy Sexy: Pursuing Our Dreams – "Why not me? Why not now?" What's your dream?

To Love, Honor and Vacuum: 3 Steps to Amazing Sex If You’re Remarried Great guest post from Julie of Intimacy in Marriage.

Becoming Minimalist: Don't Forget the Past. Learn from It. Wonderful list of ways that we can benefit from the past.

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May 22, 2013

Self-Discipline and Matching Socks

Filed under: to consider,to do — The Generous Wife @ 1:30 am

Over the last few months I've been more self-disciplined with the laundry.

I've never been really great at it (folding and putting away clothes ... well, slow at best), but one day I realized how tough it was on my sweetie (and the rest of my family over the years) when I didn't get clothes back in the closet and drawers in a timely way.

I sat down and diagrammed out my clothing system and then asked myself where the hang up was. No surprise that it was the "put away" part.

So I just made a rule for myself that when each load was done, I would hang things up, fold the rest and put everything away right then. I've done a pretty good job of it and it's made our lives a bit smoother and there is less clutter in the bedroom and the laundry room (although I have a pretty impressive collection of lonely socks).

A little self-discipline can be a good thing. Is there some part of your life or household that is not working? Think it through and brainstorm some solutions to try. Your sweetie and family will thank you.

We are what we repeatedly do, excellence then is not an act, but a habit. Aristotle

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Image credit Lori Byerly

The Forgiven Wife: Perfect Conditions If all you see is the weeds, you will miss the tulips.

Marriage Gems: Don’t be Afraid to Underachieve in Life to Better Achieve in Your Family Life Be counter-cultural in your approach to life and family.

If you are shopping online this week, please start on the Shop and Support TGW page. It won't change your purchase price, but I receive a small commission. (I've updated links and added some international shopping pages.) New merchants I've added:

legalzoom
vistaprint

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May 21, 2013

For When He Needs a Fix

Filed under: to do — The Generous Wife @ 1:30 am

Make an Ooops! Box for your husband's car or workplace.

An Ooops! Box contains things like safety pins, double-sided tape, needle and thread, a small tube of super glue, and anything else that he could use when he needs to fix something.

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Image courtesy of Sira Anamwong / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Mystery32: Just Say No to Control As my son would say, "take a chill pill."

The Romantic Vineyard: Are You Discouraged About Your Marriage Today? Joy rises from the sorrow!

Hot, Holy and Humorous: Yes, Kid, Your Mommy and Daddy Have Sex "It's reassuring to children to know that their parents experience a loving, and even private, relationship that establishes the foundation of their family."

This week's ebook bundle is about kitchen stewardship:

Healthy Snacks to Go (2nd Edition) by Katie Kimball
The Everything Beans Book by Katie Kimball
Smart Sweets by Katie Kimball
Is Your Flour Wet? by Katie Kimball
The Family Camping Handbook by Katie Kimball

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May 20, 2013

A Gift for You and Your Husband – A Year of Questions

Filed under: from me — The Generous Wife @ 1:30 am

I love questions.

So I created a little gift for y'all. It's a year's worth of questions for couples.

Free Download: A Year of Questions for You and Your Spouse

It's a pdf. You can "right click" on the above link and save to your computer or just click on the link and it will open in your browser.

Print it out, cut the questions into strips and put them all into a container (I used an almond container from Costco). Pull out a question a day to spark conversation between you and your spouse.

If a question does not apply to you or your spouse, just reframe the question so that it does. Change the “what” or the “who.”

I encourage you to create your own rules. Many of these questions are better answered if there is no limit on time, money, etc. This gives more room for options and imagination (I’d love to have advice from Florence Nightingale and live in Italy!).

When the answer revolves around people, you may want to give the option of adding “in addition to” or “other than my spouse.” And, honestly, I think it’s OK to change questions, add questions, give information not asked for, and so on.

The idea behind the questions is to give you and your spouse a starting place for conversation and learning more about each other.

Please remember to speak the truth in love and listen well.

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Image credit Lori Byerly

Safe At Home: The Best Defense Isn't Usually Helpful in Marriage Being defensive can become offensive. Instead, explain and explore.

To Love, Honor and Vacuum: How Much Is Reasonable to Expect From Your Spouse? Some great advice on dealing with expectations.

How to Clean Stuff I found this site just mutzing around on the Internet. Nice resource to bookmark.

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May 19, 2013

Cheerful Generosity

Filed under: to consider,to do — The Generous Wife @ 1:30 am

Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 2 Corinthians 9:7 ESV

We usually hear this scripture at church when there is an offering. Certainly that is a good time and place to consider it.

However, I think it applies to everything, including our marriage relationship.

We need to consider how generosity plays into our marriage. Where and how can we give cheerfully? (Reluctant giving doesn't say love to our spouses. It actually feels kind of creepy.)

I find it easier to break my life down and look at its parts. Where can I be more generous in the kitchen? In the bedroom? In the living room? Or how can be more generous in the morning? In the evening?

Doesn't matter how you work through it. Just prayerfully consider ways of being more generous to your sweetie.

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Do Not Disturb: Third Time’s a Charm A simple challenge that can add fun and variety to your sex life.

(in)courage: I Stole A Television… And Other Lessons In Generosity A story of sacrificial generosity.

Redeeming Marriages: Does Your Spouse Pay For Your Past? Turn your past over to God so that only He has the say in how you will be formed.

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