Hi, gals, I have a treat for y’all today. Aja Dorsey Jackson (of Making Love in the Microwave) has written a guest post challenging us to be brave and be honest. It’s tough, but it’s true.
One of my favorite scriptures is Proverbs 24:26: An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.
I’ve written about this short verse from all different perspectives because it speaks so well to the power of honesty in creating intimacy between two people. As I’ve grown in my marriage, I’ve learned that honesty goes deeper than answering a direct question with the truth vs. a lie; it requires being open and vulnerable in every way, including being honest in your pain.
Some of your biggest arguments likely happen when instead of telling your spouse your true feelings – that some word or action made you feel hurt or left out or insecure – you give into the natural inclination to protect yourself and to strike back. It doesn’t feel normal to encounter what you perceive as an attack and instead of protecting yourself to expose all of your other sore spots. It’s easier to point a finger right back than to say “this hurt me” and to be completely honest about why.
But in order to protect you have to hide, and sometimes deceive. Approaching issues in your marriage wearing protective gear promotes dishonesty, the layer of protection keeping you from getting as close as possible to one another. Instead of laying our vulnerabilities on the table and working toward understanding, we enter into marriage conflicts dressed for battle, and a battle is often what we get in return.
Your challenge is to promote intimacy by being honest with your spouse the next time you’re upset. Be honest with yourself about what it is that is truly making you upset, and share that honest answer with your spouse. Lower your weapon (dishonesty) and have the courage to tell your spouse how you feel without accusation and anger. Trust your spouse enough to be honest with him, and trust God enough to protect your heart so that you don’t build walls in your relationship by trying to do it yourself.
Aja Dorsey Jackson is a mother of two, freelance writer and author of the blog, Making Love in the Microwave, giving practical marriage tips to busy couples. Download her free e-book to build a stronger marriage in 15 days.
Prayer Prompt ♥ Ask God to help you share your heart honestly with your husband (without anger and accusation).
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