Pick a day (within the next few days) and be intentional about making love with your husband.

Pick a day with less responsibility when you have more personal energy. Figure out what to do with the kids. Give yourselves plenty of time for foreplay, making love, and after-snuggle/talk.

No Rush, Just the Two of You

No rush. No hurry. Just time for the two of you. Intimate. Pleasurable. 

We understand sex connects us emotionally and relationally. Regular sex makes a marriage much stronger, which is good for everyone one. Sex can strengthen us emotionally and mentally, and it can help put the world in perspective. Sex helps us overlook some of our spouse’s oddities and annoyances, and make it easier to extend grace.   Paul Byerly, The Generous Husband

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you make regular time for lovemaking.

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Hot, Holy & Humorous: 4 Principles That Improved My Marriage J shares her guiding principles.

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Stupendous Marriage: What is the Key to a Good Relationship? It’s essential for your marriage!

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Every Hour On the Hour
(originally posted May 25, 2013

Pick a day when you and your husband will be home and do something to bless your husband every hour on the hour for the whole day.

Every Hour on the Hour

Here are some ideas:

 Kiss him or flash him.
 Give him a small gift (this will take a bit of planning).
 Pay him a compliment.
 Buy a bag of flavored jelly beans, taste and guess the flavor.

At first he’ll be pleasantly surprised, but once he catches on he’ll look forward to the hourly treat.

If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves.  Maria Edgeworth

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God for ideas to help you show your husband how special he is to you.

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Hot, Holy & Humorous: Cultivating Intimacy During Physical Separation For when your spouse travels.

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The Art of Simple: The unspoken connection between clutter and finances A change in perspective.

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Awhile back a couple invited us to join them for a meal. As we talked they shared their story of deep personal struggle because of mental illness and how they now have a healthy, growing marriage.

It was a joy to watch them interact and watch their children at play on a nearby playscape. Here was a family that had not been destroyed by mental illness, but had done the hard work of recovery.

I share this to offer hope.

May is Mental Health Month

Most of us have been touched to one degree or another by mental illness. Perhaps we battle depression, our veteran spouse struggles with PTSD, or someone we know is ADHD, has an eating disorder, or lives with a significant phobia.

May is Mental Health Month.

It can be a scary thing to own that we, or someone we love, struggles with a mental health condition. Our culture (and sometimes church culture) tends to make this a shameful thing instead of being helpful and understanding.

I believe there is a spiritual component to most things, but we are body, soul, and spirit. There are times when our problems need to be addressed from a physical standpoint as well.

If I broke my leg, I would pray, but I would also go to the doctor to have it set and put in a cast (pain killer would be nice too).

If I were depressed, I would pray, but I would also go to the doctor and talk to him about possible physical causes and appropriate treatment.

Ladies, let’s become educated and seek help as appropriate. Please don’t live with difficulties for which there is treatment and help.

Here is a good starting place.

NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Health) 
NAMI: FaithNet

They have a wealth of education, support, and resources.

Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear.   C.S. Lewis

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God for the wisdom and strength to get help or be a help to those around you.

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Journey to Surrender: Change the Climate of Your Marriage: Affirmation Give your husband “a big fat YES!”

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The Romantic Vineyard: Lingering And It’s Effects On Marriage Guard your thought life.

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In talking with Paul about our agreements we realized agreements tend act like anchors. They hold us to what we believe (whether it is truth or not).

Agreements as Anchors

The bad thing is a lie can hold us to something that hurts us and our marriage. It holds us down and makes it difficult to heal, grow, and move forward.

The good thing is a truth can hold us to wisdom, strength, and courage. An agreement with truth can give us the inner strength to grow and change, to build and nourish.

It’s certainly worth the time to think through your agreements so that your marriage will be blessed.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.  Philippians 4:8 ESV

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you build some bodaciously truthful agreements.

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The Romantic Vineyard: The Good, The Bad and the Ugly Be romantic regardless of the season.

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 My Marriage: Improve your marriage through recreation Invite your hubby into the sunshine.

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Agreements

May 23, 2016

in the generous life

Listen to your words.

Typically your words express your beliefs.

Some words are freeing and encouraging. Others bind up and limit. Some limit your marriage.

Agreements

Our words mean we are agreeing with something.

Nothing will ever change.
My husband is so irresponsible. It’s like I have another kid.
We’ll probably wind up divorced when the kids leave home.

Even if you are struggling, you can begin to believe and agree with sounder statements.

I believe that growth and change are possible.
I’m going to be faithful to pray for my marriage.
My husband is good-hearted.

Ask God to show you what He wants for your marriage. Begin to pray for and agree with Him.

God intends for my husband and I to be one.
I want my marriage to be my safe place.

My hubby and I are working on creating a budget. I look forward to having our finances under control.

Challenge those lies (those things you’ve been agreeing to with your words) and being to speak and live the truth.

Will you continue agreeing with evil or will you commit to fighting against it? Will you continue to curse or will you choose to bless?  Dan B. Allender

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you speak His truth.

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Life Of Joy: Be Intentional! Preach it, sister! A good marriage doesn’t happen by accident.

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Unclutterer: When neat and sloppy live together How to navigate different levels of tidiness.

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Real Needs

May 22, 2016

in the generous life

What does your husband and family really need from you?

I would encourage you to ask that question and listen well to their answers. Ask a fair number of additional questions to get to the heart of why they think they want a particular thing.

Real Needs

For example one of your kids may want a particular item, but what they really want is peer approval, to be like their friend, etc. Your husband may want you to try a particular act in the bedroom, but what he really wants is for you to validate his sexuality or perhaps he just wants to be creative.

Look for ways to meet their real needs. Sometimes it means giving them what they ask for. Or get creative, brainstorm a few options, and pick something to try. If you know what they need, there are usually a number of ways to meet the need.

Until you believe you have options, you’ll continue to feel stuck.  Sean Stephenson

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you and your husband hear each other’s heart needs.

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Homework Assignment: Grab a timer and ask your husband for a number between 1 and 5. Set the timer and get to kissin’.

Do Your Homework!

If you need to, blame me. Tell your husband this is homework and The Generous Wife is serious about her homework assignments!

Do your homework all your life. Muriel Siebert

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Paul and I had the opportunity to share a meal with Chuck (of The Curmudgeonly Librarian) and his wife, Irene. 

Lori, Paul, Chuck, & Irene

Lovely conversation (they take vocabulary to a new high, he is a librarian after all) and great food (at The Plaid Turnip). Do check out his blog (he speaks sesquipedalian ~ that’s actually an adjective, but he makes it a language in its own right) and enjoy his thoughts on marriage and life.

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you and your husband keep romance alive.

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#staymarried: 15 Ways to Calm a Fight Learn the art of repair.

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zen habits: 27 Great Tips to Keep Your Life Organized Find 1 or 2 that speaks to you.

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